fuck my birthday. I hate this.

Frodo is such a polygamist.

FUCK YOU LOTR SOUNDTRACK I'M GONNA PUNCH YOU IN THE BALLS SO HARD THEY'LL COME OUT YOUR BUTT.

This is the part where they have some kind of Bryan Adams song during the credits to drive everyone out of the theater.

Harps can gallop, if they want to.

I can't be happy when I listen to Megadeth because it fills me with so much Mustaine rage.

Once there was a pimple on my elbow. It was weird/gross/I thought I was gonna die.

HOLD UP THAT CAN OF CHICKPEAS LIKE IT'S JESUS.

Hufhk. Bitch.

Smell my keyboard, SMELL IT.

Salted knees are miserable knees.

Drinking water is pretty much cannibalism.

Don't you dare bajangle me, young man. Why, back in my day, it was illegal to bajangle one's acquaintances in public.

Move your afro to the beat.

Patrick McGoohan was the king of the furrowed brow, I mean, look at this, he doesn't even have any eyebrows he furrows them so much. (LOL I LIKE WATCHING OLD TELEVISION SERIES)

Sugar lumps binoculars.

Oh Luanne, don't you go down to Oklahoma, with your red hayer in them curlers. I know you're packin' up your old broken down trailer, and bringin' your spanish guitar. Please don't go to Oklahoma. Sing about Darleen.

Stallion-in-gut syndrome, more commonly referred to as SIGS, it affects us all.

Hmm, kleenex bathrobes, you sure do know how to live sexy.

LIVIN' ON THE EDGE LIKE A STUDMUFFIN.

As a child I coughed up a lung and made it into a balloon animal.

Fat people should be jumped upon, like bouncy castles.

PENETRATION WITH COLOURING PENCILS. YOU'LL PISS RAINBOWS. EVERYDAY. UNTIL YOU'RE 68.

Fuck yo asparagus soup!

Goddamn Novalee! Go piss on a log for Chrast's sake!

Knee bandanas are specially designed to cut of the blood circulation to your legs so you can do a funky dance.

WHOA RAINBOW HOES.





(I was gonna post this last night but I didn't so there)

Shut up, there's no fucking life after death, you fucking cowards.

Stop trying to make yourselves immortal.










(Serious, sorry sorry sorry! This is ramblings at night, not funny shit I say when I'm tired at night)

They should make a Pokemon move called Dick Punch. It'd be super effective on fucking EVERYTHING.